Tuesday, February 21, 2012

A Mommy Confession

I'm breaking up my 366 posts and posting a post that's been on my mind the last day or so.  So bear with me and I hope this makes sense! 

There are days that I feel like I have failed as a mother.  I admit I have lost my temper with my kids, been short with them and snapped at them.  They don't deserve that and I know that.  But those times that I do, I recognize that its usually my frustration with something that I'm dealing with that I'm projecting on to them.  Being a mother is one of the most hardest jobs that I know.  It isn't glamorous, there are no promotions and there aren't people thanking you for the work that you do.  And so the day to day routine can be mundane and tiresome.  Bums always need to be wiped, the same thing is being repeated to you twenty million times, there are always things that need to picked up and kids are hungry, tired or thirsty.  Being a mother is a demanding job! 

On the days when I have lost my temper or have been short with my kids, I reflect on the day and reflect with them.  I have learned to debrief with my kids as I tuck them in at bedtime.  I always remind them over and over how I love them and how its okay to show emotions and I say sorry to them for when I have been short with them.  I ask their forgiveness and hug them close.  I am human and I am a mother and we do make mistakes.  But I am reminded as I go to bed at night as well, that I am forgiven, no matter how many times I fail during the day and that I am loved as well-so much more than I can imagine.  And I go to sleep knowing that tomorrow is a new day and I can start new-- I can learn to be more patient, to be slow to anger and to enjoy the little things. 

Being a mother isn't something that was just sprung on me one day, it was something that God has chosen to bless me with in his plan for me.  It's my calling to raise these children - my calling to raise these children in his love.  I'm learning more and more each day what this means.  It's not easy - it requires patience, discerning and trust.  These are things that are hard for me - especially patience.   I am slowly getting through the book The Mission of Motherhood.  I find it hard to read when you have two little ones around and come night time - I'm too tired to read, but I found this verse in the questions at the end of one of the chapters and I think I will be mediating on this for the next while.  

"As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."  Ephesians 4:1-3

While there are times in my day where I have failed there are many more times when I know I have succeeded.  I think as humans we tend to focus more on where we have failed and not so much on where we have succeeded.  I know I have provided for my family when my child has thanked me for the food that I have placed in front of her, I know I have been a good mother when my children look to me for comfort and love when they are hurting.  I know that I am loved with every hug, every smile and every moment spent with my children.  And what a wonderful job of being a mother is - every minute is a blessing!


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